Everyone has faces that they show to different people. The degree of deviation of these faces from the person’s true nature matters not, only the fact that there is an undeniable degree of deviation of these faces from the person’s true nature. What do parents see in a person? What do friends see? Lovers? Colleagues? These questions bring to mind other questions – to whom do we really show our true faces? Do we even show it at all? Is every interaction in this world a mere play at hypocrisy? I, for one, try as much as I can to be genuine in all my interactions, yet still there are unmistakable differences in the way I go about doing my activities while in different circles of fellowship. Take, for example, the matter of spiritual faith – this is one thing that I try to keep constant throughout my interactions with different kinds of people, and yet it seems that it is severely lacking the way my parents see me while it borders on fanaticism in the eyes of my friends. In fact, I realize that there is a considerable lack of it when I am among friends, as I do things that most conservative Christians would definitely raise eyebrows at. Does that make me a hypocrite or does it make me a versatile person – adapting to changes in environments and getting along with different kinds of people? Yet again it begets the question – shouldn’t I, as a born again Christian, be firm and uncompromising in my faith? Faith leads to action and works are never determinants of a person’s salvation, and yet it is works that show people how much faith you have – and it helps in your testimony of God’s work in your life. Am I, then, deprived of salvation? Is my compromising such a sign of a lack of faith and love to my creator?
Take now the case of how I treat my friends. My cousin was kind enough to point out that there are times when I am kind and generous only because of my desperate need to please others. That it ultimately leaves me feeling pathetically lost and betrayed. He did not fail to also point out that be that as it may – a lot of times, my kindness is genuine; but how do I account for that other kind of kindness - the one that does not even know how to say a simple word: “NO?” I am then left confused in trying to determine the intentions and sincerity of my actions. I am truly glad for friends like Erikson and my cousin Mark for teaching me to respect myself and in the process be more true to myself. Especially seeing as how, in the process, I am more and more able to refuse abusive requests and burdens laid upon me by others. Yet there is still a lingering question every time I agree to do something for others. My closest of friends call me a “great” friend… but is that merely because I do their bidding? If such is the case, if ever I am doing it out of a need to please them, do I deserve such praise and gratitude – or is it again hypocrisy at work? As it is, I still find it hard to sort my intentions in being generous and helpful to my friends – and I am hoping that upon thorough reflection, I will know that these are actions taken without any expectations in return – not even gratitude.
I know these questions come with no answers. Perhaps as I grow as a person, these answers will eventually come to me. Perhaps then I shall finally have but only one face to show the world. A face I can truly call my own.